I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
