took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
