Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
