he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
