you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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