He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
