perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
