I cannot find my penis.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
