Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
