i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
