Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
