flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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