Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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