WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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