Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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