hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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