My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
