So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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