There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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