She just used a chaser for red wine.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
