The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
