oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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