I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
