Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize