we have officially lost it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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