I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
