Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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