can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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