i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
