yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize