I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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