You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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