During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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