Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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