Whod you bang
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
