i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to have your abortion
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
