I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
