Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize