My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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