So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
