Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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