Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
