So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
