if only i could text you this smell
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
