Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
