Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
