uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
