then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
