The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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