college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
