just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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