dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
