Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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