so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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