I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
