there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
