I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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