I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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