What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
