Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
