I have demons in me.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I am naked and annoyed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
