I bet he comes in French.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
