Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
