ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
