All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am one with the molecules
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
