if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
