At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize