He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
