I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
