I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
