...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
