I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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