Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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