her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
