If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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