Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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