My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Randomize