Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
