He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
