found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
