his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
